


Kittens Know About Love, I Guess

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: . . . maybe, But he has his playboys, Eric/Butters--Cartters, Fictional company, Friends to Lovers, Just Add Kittens, Kenny dies alot, Kenny might be forever alone, Kyle's kitten is innocent af, Magic Animal Sidekicks, Magic Realm hates non-magic creatures, Magical Matchmaking Kittens, Male Slash, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Build, Stan and Kyle are nOT GAY, Stan/Kyle--Style, Talking Animals, The magical realm has websites, This was inspired by 80s anime, for some reason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 15:21:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15294369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The Kitty Sweetie Smitten Company. A magical place which sends magic-blessed, matching kittens to help people find their sweethearts; no matter what sexuality, gender, or preference.You order them free of charge on the company's hush-hush website. The only catches are is that you have to order two other people kittens, and you can't get rid of them until you and your crush get together.Stan Marsh and Kyle Brofloski. Two Super Best Friends, who certainly DON'T like each other. In the late of the night, they both receive kittens, and are sure its a mistake. The two try to find ways to get rid of theirs, because they CERTAINLY don't love each other . . . right?These kittens have a lot of work to do . . .





	1. Chapter 1

“Hello. Are you . . . Stan _**Darsh**_?” 

This was the first thing Stan Marsh heard when he awoke from sleep. He groaned as he sat up in bad and yawned. His eyes blurred at he looked to the foot of the bed. 

It took some moments to adjust but-

What the hell? 

At the foot of said-bed, sat a tiny kitten. The kitten was pitch-black with big blue eyes, staring right at him. He was wearing a brown collared, red and blue bow. He also noticed that the little guy was holding his hat. They both sat in silence for a moment, before the kitten groaned and rolled his eyes. “I’ll ask this again. Are you Stan Darsh?” It asked, crossing its arms (paws?). “It’s _**Marsh**_ , and yeah, I’m him.” He scowled, tearing the hat away from the small kitten’s paws and placing it atop his head. “Good! After four houses, I finally found it. House three’s occupant wasn't so kind.” The kitten looked towards the window, scratching his little head. The small feline cleared his throat. “Anyways, my name is Mayhem. I was sent by the Kitty Sweetie Smitten™ company.” Mayhem announced, standing straight up and crossing his arms around his back. Stan could swear that he bow started to glow right then and there. “ _What_.” Stan said, his face riddled with confusion.

“Mr. Marsh, I’m here to fix your love life.” Mayhem said, his eyes glowing a bit, too. 

Stan sat there dumbfounded. “With a Mr. . . Brofolshi?” Mayhem looked at his tiny card as he tried to read it correctly. Stan started to chuckle. This had to be a dream. A super fucking weird one at that. A talking kitten standing at the end of his bed, here to fix his love life. With his best friend no less! 

Though, he had to admit, his feelings for Kyle had gone beyond friendship a bit recently. But, that still didn't mean that Stan was in love with him. . . did it? He means, this kitten is here, for one thing; and butterflies have jumped in his stomach a bit when he’s seen Kyle. He’ll get some answers. 

“Is this a prank?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. “Huh?” Mayhem looked at him in a confused way. Stan rolled his eyes in a annoyed manner, and sat upright. “Haha! Very funny, Cartman. You can come out now.” He said, annoyed. “What’s a Cartman?” The kitten asked, tilting its head. Stan huffed out a groan and grabbed Mayhem, and started to shake him. “Where’s the batteries in this thing?” Stan growled, starting to pound on Mayhem’s back. “Hey, Hey, Hey! Put me down!” Mayhem yelled. His eyes glowed a slight blue and he flew out of Stan’s hands immediately. “I don't know what a ‘Cartman’ is, but I can tell you what this is. I’m real pal, whether you like it or not. And I don't leave until you and this brofloshy guy get together; so get your head out of the gutter!” Stan sighed, looking down. “It’s _**Brofloski**_.” Stan corrected, looking up. “Oh.” Mayhem said, looking the other direction. “I’m not good with names.” 

“I’ve noticed.” Stan said, placing his left hand to his forehead. He looked over to his bedside alarm clock, which read **3:** **30** **AM**. 

“So, where to start?” Mayhem asked, stepping towards him. “Start with what?” Stan groaned, looking at him. “Start your relationship with this Brofloski guy.” Mayhem said, giving a innocent smile. “How about we go to sleep and talk about this over breakfast. How does that sound?” He asked, yawning. “Hmm.” Mayhem thinked for a moment then smiled. “You’re the boss.” He said, jumping off the bed and curled up on the floor. “Goodnight.” He said. “Goodnight, uh, Mayhem.” Stan said, pulling his blanket up to him and his eyes fluttered closed. 

Then, they slept. 

 


	2. Malice and Smitten Kitten Special Delivery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small Note: The game 'Nyan Cat' is said in this chaper.   
> I do not own 'Nyan Cat' or any of its properities.

“Hello. Are you . . . uh. Umm. . .” 

Kyle Brofloski’s eyes opened to the sound of paper rustling and his sheets moving. He groaned as he sat up in bed, and he moved his arms up to rub his eyes. When he opened them, he saw a small white kitten holding a somewhat-lengthy piece of paper. “Now, I know I can get this. Are you, uh, Mr. Brofloyki?” It asked, looking at him with big, reddish-pinkish eyes. ‘ _ What the hell? _ ’ he thought. ‘ _ This has got to be some kind of dream. _ ’ 

The little kitten scooted closer to him, looking at him with a blank stare, it’s eyes seemed it be burning into his soul. “Uh, did I get your name right, or are you not him?” It asked, tilting its head a bit. “Y-yeah, I’m him, and its pronounced ‘Brofloski’.” He answered, placing his hand on his cheek lightly. If this is just a dream, he should just wait it out. 

“Ah, all good then!” It said, giving him a warm smile. “My name is Malice, I was sent by the Kitty Sweetie Smitten™ company!” 

“The- _ what? _ ” Kyle asked, confused. “Mr. Brofloski, I’m here to fix your love life!” Malice said, jumping up in a excited manner. Kyle’s jaw dropped, he couldn't believe someone liked him! And this kitten was here to help him! “With who?! With who?!” Kyle smiled, excited. “Oh, hooray! You’re so excited!” Malice said, jumping up and down, almost like a child. “I’m here to fix your love life with a . . . Mr. Marsh!” Malice said, giving him a big toothy smile. 

Kyle’s smile faded slowly, letting what Malice said sink in. This has got to be a joke, there is  **no** way Stan, his **_best friend_ ** was in love with him. . . right? No. It can't be. 

Kyle’s slightly calm expression transitioned to a slight scowl, making Malice shrink a bit. “Oh, do you not like that person? Are you mad?” Malice said, her eyes riddled with fear and disappointment. “Where are you,  **_Cartman?_ ** I know this is your work. Come out, I already know this is you.” Kyle said, sliding off his bed quickly and looking around. Malice looked confused. “What in the world is a Cart-man?” She asked, standing on all-fours and turning around to face him. Kyle quickly turned around and grabbed her by the tuft of her neck. “Where’s the microphone, and the receiver? I know there’s one in here.” Kyle said, poking around on Malice’s stomach, trying to find a metal or plastic hatch. “Heehee!” The little feline giggled, squirming around. “That tickles!”

Kyle’s eyes widened at Malice squirming and smiling. “Holy shit, you’re real.” He said, dropping her and backing away. 

“Of course I’m real! I was created in a factory, given my awesome magical powers, and given a purpose once the order on the super special website was completed!” Malice explained, jumping back onto the bed, smiling. Kyle stood at the front edge of his bedroom, recovering from his initial shock and walking back up to Malice. 

“What website?” Kyle asked, raising an eyebrow. “The Smitten Kitten Special Delivery website!” Malice said, looking around. She found Kyle’s computer on his desk, and hopped off the bed. She quickly ran over to the big-ish device and started playing with its keyboard. “You got any games on this thing?” She asked, pressing the ‘POWER’ button and hopping up and down in Kyle’s computer chair. “Hey, hey! Stop touching everything!” Kyle yelled, looking at her. “Oh, okay!” She said, setting her paws off the keyboard. “How about you show me this website first, and then I’ll consider letting you play a game, okay?” Kyle said, placing her on the desk. “Okay! But you need a special link to get there! I’ll type it in for you!” Malice said as Kyle opened his internet browser. Malice typed in WWW. Magical Realm Directory. Com, and waited for the page to load. The website was a plan black background with white text listing all kinds of websites. “Hmmm. I know it should be under the ‘K’, hmm . . . Here it is!” She said, pointing her little finger at the screen. “Okay, Okay. Not such a special link after al-” Malice pushed him suddenly to the side as the computer turned a plain white. The speakers started to admit sound. ‘ **SCANNING FOR MAGICAL BEINGS OR SPECIAL PASS TICKET(S). NON-MAGICAL BEINGS WILL BE PROSECUTED FOR USING OUR MAGIC-ONLY WEBSITE(S).’**

“Wait for a just a second.” Malice said, quickly turning her head back over to the computer. A bright red light was emitted from the webcam and scanned Malice in a fast manner.  **‘MAGICAL BEING FOUND. THANK YOU FOR RETURNING TO OUR WEBSITE. WE WELCOME YOU :)**

**NOW DIRECTING YOU TO Smitten Kitten Special Delivery!** ’ 

Another website pulled up, and it was insanely bright. It was littered with kittens and rainbows, like it was a direct ad for a new Nyan Cat game. “Ugh, this website is burning my damn eyes. . .” Kyle said, closing them quickly and rubbing them. 

“Sorry, we like to accessorize. Hmmm. Lemme try to find our order.” Malice said, typing in some information. “Wait, wait. ‘Our’, prural?” Kyle asked, surprised. “Yes, yes, your partner should have kitten, too.” Malice explained, clicking and typing away on the computer. “We are supposed to work together to insure your happiness with one another. In other words, we make you two happy with each other to help you get together.” Kyle sat in thought. Could have Stan sent the order? How would he get past that scan thing? He really couldn't understand all this. “Hmm.” Malice mumbled, putting her paw up to her lips in concern. “What?” Kyle asked, scooting closer. “Well, you or your partner aren’t the ones who sent out the order. Someone else did however, they must have listed you two for the couples fee.” Malice said, clicking another page. “Hmm. Let me guess, a Eric Cartman?” Kyle deadpanned, turning over to her. “No, but he’s partnered with the orderer. Who is a . . . . Leopold Stotch. The note says they go by the nickname ‘Butters’.” Malice said, looking over to him. “Butters?  _ He  _ sent the order? Ugh . . .” Kyle groaned putting his hands over his face. “I’m sorry if I’m an inconvenience to you . . .” Malice said, ashamed. “No, no. You’re fine. This is just your job, I guess. It isn't your fault.” Kyle said, looking towards the wall. “You can play any game you want, I’m going to sleep for the rest of the night.” Kyle said, walking towards his bed and lying on it. “Oh, okay. Goodnight!” Malice said, clicking onto a new tab. “Wait, what if my parents find you?” Kyle asked, springing upwards. “Don't worry, I can make myself invisible at anytime. Your parents won’t even know I’m here.” She said, facing back towards the screen. 

“Goodnight, Malice.” Kyle said, curling his covers up to his face. “Goodnight, Mr. Brofloski.” She said, clicking onto a fun-looking game. 

And then, he slept. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is the second chapter introducting Malice! Kyle's little matchmaker.   
> The last chapter was really short, and I decided to explain more of the romance service. So, here's a 1,621 worded chapter!   
> Thanks to everyone who read, gave Kudos, and commented!   
> The next chapter will be out soon!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thanks for reading!   
> This is a experimental story plot I created during a really long writingblock.   
> If you like the story and want more, leave a kudos!   
> I'll try to make and upload as much as I can!


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